Bed Bugs

Bed bugs are probably some of the nasties little bugs in my opinion. Sleeping in your bed and biting you. Thats just terrible. I don't like anything in my bed but me, I need all the space I can get. These little creatures are similar to ticks, mosquitos, and vampires in that they suck your blood. Luckily you don't turn into a bed bug when they get you. This world would be a scary place.
Yet these little buggers are as dumb as a doorknob. They can't see, so they just wander around trying to find the heat of your body, then suck your blood. This same tactic is used when looking for a mate. They just waddle around and sometimes get lucky (no pun intended). And that leads me to the best topic, I couldn't talk about bed bugs without talking about how they mate, that'd just be wrong.
To put it in the scientific way, bed bugs use "traumatic insemination." Just by the name it sounds terrible, not even close to how we do it. The male just jamming his penis into the females body, this can't be fun for either party. I have to assume this is where the old saying, "no pain, no gain" came from. It only makes sense. Thank the lord I'm not a bed bug, and that I have not contracted those little pests from living in New Men's.

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